I had a sense of wanting something different! Something new. Something to be excited about. But I’m a rule follower! Firstborn. Born in Iowa; Iowa nice! So, who am I to break the rules? Do I get to do that? What would people think? What would they say? How would they see me? All these questions filled my mind when I thought about quitting my job and taking an “Adult Gap Year.” Honestly, I first said I was taking a “Gap Summer.” Because that was safe, right? Just three months. I should be good in three months.
NOT! Why set a timeframe? I’m not even sure if the twelve months that I’m now six months into is what it will be. But we assign things to containers; good, bad, even ugly a lot of the time. But I’m drawn back to why I initially took this “leap”. The huge jump into something I would have never done! Because I can. It is MY life! I can live it the way I want to.
But did I have permission? For as long as I can remember, I’ve always “asked permission.” Really, I have. So, I needed to permit myself to grow in ways that I hadn’t done before. I have not allowed myself. I was stuck to the rules! And they aren’t bad rules, but they are limiting if we take them too seriously or are afraid to break them. For me, the permission to break the rules was the catalyst for me to leap!
And being stuck in my mind and thinking about it too much! My therapist, Rikki, tells me to “get out of my head.” And I never realized how much I was “living in my head.” Leaping and seeing where it leads me. And allowing my path to be directed by me, not others!
It started with quitting my job and then other journeys began. Travel. Drive time. Solace. And just paused to see how I felt about opportunities that opened to me. Not about what I thought about them.
In May, actually, May 5th it began with a 23-hour drive (over 3 days) to Iowa. By myself. I had no plans except that I needed to be in Des Moines, Iowa by May 10th for my daughter, Mallory’s senior vocal recital at Drake University and her graduation on May 13th.
And it was all lovely! Open, great openness is one thing I wrote on the 5th. No sadness about being solo but am grateful for having the time and the slower pace. And a huge observation was big cities have lots of options, but to me, they can feel cluttered with too many choices and that’s when my head takes over. But in the open, it was different.
The "Big Sky" country of Wyoming was amazing. Windy but serene. And I even stopped in Laramie, WY where my dad, Stu played football at the University of Wyoming in the 1960s.
And I felt his presence and a connection with what he had experienced and I felt joy, happiness, contentment, and freedom! And a start at finding me! All because I just went for it and broke the rules!
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