It was in the cold of the Alaska winter, February 2023, with snow everywhere when I was asked, "What would you do if you weren't working at a corporate job?" I'm pretty sure I said something like "Help people build wells in Africa". Because that's why you quit a corporate job with no other job, right? To help the needy, go back to school, retire?
No, not me. I decided to make a bigger change. I was going to take an "Adult Gap Year." Not a sabbatical, not a hiatus, but a "gap year" in the true sense of what much younger people do between their senior year in high school and entering college or university. However, I am 36 years post-high school graduation and 32 from college. But why do gap years only apply to younger people? They don't! So I decided to jump in.
It has been six months! Wow! I spent my last day at a corporate job, making the most money I had in my 32-year corporate career on April 13, 2023. I quit my job!! Without a job! I didn't announce it on Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn. If you are reading this and know me, that is the opposite of what I typically do. I told some family and friends, who I'm pretty sure thought I had "lost it"! And my kids, who I know think it's a "midlife crisis." I quit and I haven't looked back.
I'm usually an open book, full of stories about myself and my journey in life. Posting on Facebook, because let's face it, that's my generation's medium, I'm learning others!! I wanted this to be different. I gave myself permission for this to be different!! I didn't have to "follow the rules" on this one. After all, it is MY life!
Actually, over the last 5 years, I've been "jumping" where I normally wouldn't. I got divorced, I have had lots of therapy (mental health, not physical), and I moved to a new city and state where I knew no one. I changed jobs twice. My two children transitioned from high school to undergraduate college and now to graduate college experiences. I survived the Covid pandemic and worked from home full-time.
So what am I doing in my "gap year"? Initially, I really wasn't sure. But I knew I needed to pause, reflect, engage, create, reimagine.....to truly live my life. I call it "Living in Full Color."
One of the most common responses I get when I say I’m “taking a Gap Year” is; “I’m jealous” or “I wish I could do that.” I’m writing to tell you, you can!! It’s your life. You can do whatever you want (albeit I know there may be some limitations). We are paralyzed by fear (I was) and the “what ifs”, but in February when that friend asked me what I would be doing if I weren’t in the job I was in? I took “the leap of faith.” I quit my job! I went for it and decided that if I failed at some things, that’s ok. But you know what? I’ve had so much abundance enter my life! Things that organically happened; opportunities I would never have if I didn't make this decision.
There have been a spectrum of colors, emotions, experiences and life! I’ve experienced so much “color” these last 6 months in wonderful ways. And while it is nice to not have a schedule, travel when I want, do things I have been waiting to do, there are all different colored days. Some days it is gray. It's not black and somber, but gray. I like the color gray but sitting in the gray and wondering, "what is next?" can be hard. It is unsettling, awkward, truly “gray”, maybe even a bit mundane sometimes waiting for the next thing to happen or that great idea to come to you.
But if you work through those gray days knowing there are more colorful ones to come, it makes it easier. And honestly, not having everything “planned” out has brought excitement back into my life. I’ve traveled solo, driven 24 hours across the United States and Canada without making hotel reservations, booked one-way airline tickets, and canceled or resigned from some things because I really wasn’t feeling them. Instead of keeping them on my schedule out of a feeling of obligation. I could recite all the cliches we've heard; you only live once, carpe diem, etc. But how many of us really LIVE our lives? We try. We read books. We take classes. We say “no” to things. We take more vacations. But do we really practice living life? Do we listen to how we are feeling about things and open ourselves to opportunities? Do we see all the colors or just sit in the gray?
Boise is in peak fall color right now! It is simply beautiful. The cool, crisp, fall air is amazing. The sun shines most of the time. Soon the leaves will drop from the branches and go into winter hibernation, like many other animals and some people! This year's fall provides me with insight that I didn't have before; are we truly manifesting, or harvesting the life we want to live? Whether it’s in our professional lives, personal lives, volunteer lives, etc.? I know I wasn’t.
I have tattoos on my arms and one of them is a phoenix. I got in 2019 in solidarity with my best friend who is a two-time breast cancer survivor. She has a phoenix tattoo covering her entire chest because she chose not to do reconstruction surgery the second time. The phoenix tattoos we both have truly represent rebirth, transformation, and the cycle of life. I realize that now, more than ever.
So far slowing down (physically), focusing on what feels right, what fits in the space I am in, and honestly not worrying or caring as much as I have before are amazing! We worry too much about what others think. This has been a big realization for me. It’s not always easy work, but these are the things that will make a difference in how we live our lives.
This quote sums it up for me and my last five years;
You can rise up from anything. You can completely recreate yourself. Nothing is permanent. You’re not stuck. You have choices. You can think new thoughts. You can learn something new. You can create new habits. All that matters is that you decide today and never look back. (averstu.com)
I am so glad I decided in April (well, actually in February), to take the leap and never look back!!
Live colorfully,
Dawn ❤️