Journaling the journey

I always wanted to journal. To be the "cool person" (ok, I'm in my 50s, we used cool) that does that. But how do you journal? What are you supposed to write? I mean like "Dear Diary" or a gratitude journal? Those are the ones that come to mind when I think of journaling.

I got divorced in the summer of 2018 after almost 23 years of marriage. That's when I decided I was going to do whatever it took to get through it and move to the next phase in my life. Whatever that was going to be. One of the things suggested to me was journaling. My therapist, family, friends, co-workers, and pastors all said it would be very therapeutic. That was in April/May of 2018. I didn't start a journal until December of that year.

I didn't even know how many journals I had until I went back to find them all a few weeks ago. I have five (see picture). A couple were gifts, and the others just "spoke to me." The red one with the embossing on the front is #1. I realized I didn't really journal in 2021, not a written one. I traveled a lot that year and went to lots of conferences to not be alone after a relationship failure. I guess the pictures are my journal for that year.

I didn't realize how important journaling was (besides being "cool") until I started to look back through them. My first journal entry in the red journal was on December 27, 2018. I was taking care of my soul sister, Tracy's two dogs (Tucker and Ozzie, who have since crossed the rainbow bridge) in her cozy cabin on the river in rural Iowa. My entry said the following; "Christmas was great, but the day after feels like being at a funeral (after losing a loved one) and everyone is there one day and gone the next. Not because they don't care, but because they have lives to live and move on." Wow, I don't even remember writing that. A couple of days later my entry talked about the hope in what was to come in the new year.

Flash forward 5 years later. I decided to take a gap year. And Tracy encouraged me to keep journaling. Although she made sure to stress that I should "do it how I wanted to." I could write, take photos, and make recordings, but she was sure I would want a record of what I learned, saw, and experienced on this journey. And she was right. My journal entry on May 5, 2023 (the first official day of my gap year, no Cinco de Mayo for me) had quite different reflections. I titled it "The Adventure Begins". And I had the following reflections that first day. "I drove 7.5 hours today. I'm staying in Rock Springs, Wyoming, at a hotel, without a reservation! The mountains are beautiful and I listened to music the whole time. And I cried a little that I'm on this journey. It's such a great thing to be doing. The openness and slow pace of the small, western towns is what I need and want." I was solo! Not alone but choosing to be solo, single, traveling by myself.

In looking at my journals, I can see the progress I've made and how differently I feel. It is amazing to me that the person from 5 years ago has come this far. It's not that I doubted myself. I just couldn't see it then. But those precious journals are proof. It's been a tangible way for me to see my growth. And to realize for the first time in my life, I am fine with being solo (not alone).

My friend texted me this today and it resonated with me;

"Your ability to create the reality that you want is a direct correlation to your willingness to experience its opposite."

"Saving money will have you feeling broke while you were actually becoming weathly."

"Setting boundaries will have you feeling alone while you are creating healthy relationships."

"Working through your trauma will have you feeling broken while you are actually getting healthy."

"Working out will make you feel weak while you were actually becoming strong."

"Learning something new will make you feel dumb while you were actually becoming smarter."

"Your ability to attain what you desire means you must experience its opposite first."

In this beautiful gap year, and through journaling, I'm realizing the growth and beauty that are in my life. Of course, we know with good there is bad. But really seeing it in writing, pictures, and recordings, does truly "speak" volumes. I am so glad that I journal. I hope you will also find a way to record your progress so you can see the growth. It is an amazing thing!