I have been writing different thoughts for the last couple of weeks. I wanted to post something, but it just didn’t feel right until today. And it’s completely different from what I thought I would post. As I approach the YEAR of my Gap year (on April 13th), I’ve had many emotions come up.
I’m in a program called Bold & Visible (Bold and Visible) with the amazing teacher/mentor/woman, Callie B Elwayns. It’s all about unleashing your voice. Becoming visible. It will culminate with me speaking on stage in Calgary, Alberta Canada in October (more on that in another blog). Interestingly enough, I will take the stage on October 6th, the 10th anniversary of my dad’s death. I'll have another blog on B&V.
I have been in the program since last October 2023. I have learned so many things. However, as I mentioned, this learning brings in emotions, thoughts, reflections, and all the things. And it’s in doing some of the work with my peer group yesterday that I realized (maybe it’s been obvious to others), that I’m not just living (versus existing) but I am learning! I love to learn. I am a forever student. I learn new things and when they resonate, I share them. I know some of my friends have been recipients of my sharing “the things.” Typically, it is about health topics. I joke, “I’m not a doctor but I like to play one in life.” My entire life I’ve struggled with my appearance, especially my weight. It has fluctuated so much over the years (I know others have experienced that too). Every time I find out something new about blood glucose, eating plans, cortisol, leptin, or anything, I tend to share it. Regardless if the person I’m sharing with wants to hear it. And I get tired sometimes of learning about “health.” It can be exhausting. I think about it all the time. All day long.
But over my Gap Year, I have truly been learning about myself in other ways. Deeper ways. I expected that. But I’ve also learned that I had expectations for myself. I said I didn’t have plans or expect an outcome, but I did. I’ve been feeling sad about it. And that has been surfacing. Why don’t I know what I’m doing next? Should I go back to corporate? How would I start doing something I’ve never done to make money? Maybe I should just forget about doing anything differently when the “old way” worked. But what if a new way works too? And this amazing life is not just about living but truly learning. We have so many opportunities.
I saw Rachel Druckenmiller (https://www.linkedin.com/in/RachelBDruckenmiller) speak at the
Human Resource Association of the Treasure Valley conference a couple of weeks ago. She talks about unmuting herself. And accepting invitations that come your way, instead of being so quick to downplay them. The invitation itself is proof that the inviter believes in you!! So go for it. And that brought me full circle! My soul sister Tracy asked that important question, “What would you do if you weren't working at a corporate job?”. That was the invitation to even think about that. And I permitted myself to leap, accept the invitation. Here are a few things I’ve learned:
You can travel across (almost) the United States without hotel reservations, and it works out
Crying is crying but feeling the emotions is so different, it’s cathartic
Living off your investments isn’t what most people do at 54 but you can do it
Reading, getting degrees, certifications, etc. are good and its also good to not do those things
I am enough
I don’t need a better half, I’m already a whole person
I don’t have to do everything the “right” way
I will and do make mistakes
I “turned down some wrong paths”, but I learned so much in doing that and I’m sure I will in the future
Journaling is the best!
You can start a blog even though you don’t consider yourself a writer
I know there are others but I can’t think of them right now. I wasn’t planning on writing about this today. It's back to living your life! However, you want to. You don’t have to explain, apologize, provide information, details, or anything to anyone. Only to yourself. Be you. Learn about you! Look inside and see who you are. What you stand for. What you think you want to be! And remember to not just live, but truly LEARN!! It’s an amazing thing that brings so much joy! Give yourself permission and do it! Be YOU! Do YOU!!
One amazing thing that Rachel shared is that she loves to sing. However, she was muted and didn’t. But when she decided to start speaking and unmuted herself, she recorded a song she had written. Here’s the link Somebody - song by Rachel Druckenmiller | Spotify. Take a listen! It is beautiful and magical and I’m so blessed she shared it with us!
<<These are the stickers Rachel gave me when I introduced myself. Of course, I gave her one of my stickers too!)
Here are the lyrics as well;
Somebody
No mistakes, know the rules
Be the best, and cover up your wounds
You believe you have to prove
That you are somebody
Can't measure up to expectations
That keep piling up
The need to perform, to prove that you've earned it
That you've earned my love
I wish that you could see what I see when I look at you
I see somebody
Take a breath
And just be
You're not on the clock
And you don't have to impress me
There is nothing to achieve
To be somebody
Let go of all the expectations
That keep piling up
The need to be good, to hold it together
It's all become too much
Release the need to prove you're worthy
What if you believed
You are somebody already?
You are somebody
You are somebody
You matter and you are enough
You are somebody
You are somebody
You matter and you are enough
Enough
Enough
Enough
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