The Universe Speaks!!

Two weeks ago, I was on an airplane headed for India!  I was ready to explore for 3 weeks with my friend, Tabitha (see the picture when we went to Walla Walla, WA wine tasting).  I’ve been to India before (for work), but this time it was for fun!  Tabitha is the most fantastic person to travel with.  She organized everything, and all I had to do was book my flight to India, and the rest was taken care of.  However, a few things happened on the morning of my flight.  My name was misspelled on my boarding pass, and I hadn’t gotten my visitor visa.  I had a business visa for the last 5 years that expired in November 2023, so I needed to get a visitor visa.  I was allowed to board the plane from Boise to San Francisco.  But when I got to San Francisco, I realized I couldn’t board my flight to Doha, Qatar, because even though I had applied for an Indian visa, I didn’t have my visa.  This was frustrating for me in a couple of ways.  In my work the last 14 years, ensuring employees had proper work authorization, including visas, was one thing I did!!  I knew about visas!  But now, I was sitting in the scenario I had seen others in, albeit for pleasure, but that annoyed me.  AND in the whirlwind of being on the flight from BOI to SFO, I left my passport on the plane.  I was devastated when I realized it while standing in the Qatar Airlines check-in line.  I held it together until then…..the tears started to flow.

A couple of great things happened after that.  A gentleman in front of me in line saw my tears and asked if I was “ok”.  I said, “No,” but it was awesome that he asked.  Then the Qatar Airlines Manager helping me with my flight check-in saw my tears and asked, “Can I give you a hug?”  Of course, I said, “Yes!”  And I realized that the Universe, God, a higher power, was speaking to me.  As much as I wanted to go on that trip, it wasn’t meant to be right now.  I knew there would be learning from the trip to India.  I didn’t expect it to be before I got to India.  I spent April 24th in the SFO airport and then flew back to Boise.

The next day, I saw a post by Mandy McCleary on her Facebook page.  Mandy is a Pastor and motivational speaker from Iowa.  She asked this question; “Am I doing my best to fully live into who I am in every day and every circumstance – and not who others expect me to be?”  And then it really hit me.  I have spent the last year pausing, reflecting, enjoying, working on myself and not worrying about other people's thoughts, and caring less.  However, somehow, this trip to India fed into what others expected.  It’s become a common question when I see the Baristas at my favorite coffee shop, Zero Six Coffee Fix, for them to ask, “Where are you going next?”  Because I’ve always got some trip planned.  By taking trips and running around to see things, am I being who I am or trying to be something I think I need to be?

I love to travel.  Traveling adds excitement to my life.  And as I embarked on my Gap Year (now in its 13th month 😊), I couldn’t wait to do “all the things.”  But I wondered, do I have to have a “big” trip to an international location to make my year worthwhile?  Is it what others expect?  Maybe, but I think it's somewhere in the middle.  I can see how I may try to “prove my worth” with some of the trips and fun I’m having.  But I also know that my worth is not in what I do but in who I AM!!  And I do not need to prove anything!  The only person I am responsible for is myself.

I just finished Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic. I have a ticket to see her speak in Boise on May 20th. In her book, she writes about vocation. What struck me is her emphasis on the need to “be at the top, or top what we did last.”  She was asked that a lot after Eat Pray Love was such a huge success.

 How was she going to top that?”  And she reflects

“But such thinking assumes there is a “top” – and that reaching that top (and staying there) is the only motive one has to create.”  “Such thinking assumes that you must be constantly victorious – not only against your peers, but also against an earlier version of your own poor self.  Most dangerously of all, such thinking assumes that if you cannot win, then you must not continue to play.”

I love that she talks about creating as love. Isn’t it good enough to just create to create? To not worry about what may or may not happen?

Last Sunday's sermon at my UU (Unitarian Universalist) church also discussed one’s vocation. Vocation can be a calling, or it may not. It’s really about how we feel. Do we feel whole? But we must allow it to change as we grow and change. There are so many changes we experience in our journey of life. Thinking we have to be “on top” or always victorious shuts creativity and growth down.

So, even though I didn’t make it to India, it allowed me to reflect on why I may not be going there.  As I mentioned before, I’m in a program called Bold & Visible.  These last 2 weeks have been some of the most critical creation times in our B&V container.  We have crafted our stories to take on the Calgary stage in October.  I would have been distracted if I were in India at the same time.  Even though I’m sad I didn’t get to spend time with Tabitha, I’m so grateful for all the work that has flowed in that time.  My trip to India will happen.  Just not now.

I know I had expectations for myself for this year, some of which were met and others weren’t.  And that is awesome!  I have created, grown, failed, and changed exponentially in this last year.  I am so grateful for this time!  I wouldn’t change a thing.  Keep creating, growing, and being yourself!!  You are worth it! And always listen when the Universe speaks!!